| please don't let me destroy myself..... |
[25 Apr 2007|12:15am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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memory~sugarcult |
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today is the day when everything i have ever done and said has come rushing back to me. i have made the biggest mistake of my life and even though i was given mult. chances to make things right i fucked it up each time because i have become something that i am not. i lost myslef to someone who always wakes up upset and full of hate. someting happened to me and i don't know how to fix it. i lost the most important things in my life to what i have become and i am falling part since that big mistake. for once in my life i had fallen for a girl i would have done anything for at one point and was sure there was no way in hell that she would ever go for a girl as myself. all that changed the day she told me how she felt i could hardly believe it and was so happy. i use to care so much for this girl when i was a better person things were good and i could of never asked for anything more. but now all that is gone the one person who became my best friend over the last 4 year i have now lost due to me being unable to fix and do anything right. i still love her some much and i wish that i had never said any of that stuff because none of it was true. i want to get better she is the only one that i want to be with and i don't ever think that it will happen due to how i treated her. i feel like such shit because i always wanted to be the person who kept her safe from those type of things but instead i turned into the one person i do not like myself. i can't stand what i have done and i am losing it. i'm a mess. i had my chance with her and i messed up time after time and it's going to kill me that one day she will be someone elses and that i will never have her that way agian. i want her to be happy. i don't want to look for anyone anymore because that person was the one i truly loved and i just don't want to give myslef to somone else like that agian because she is the only person who has had all of me and i want her to keep it all. i lost more then my girl friend i lost my best friend and i don't know what to do.
i love you and i am sorry even though i know it will never mean anything
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(2 skanks think that crissie is a skank)
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| can't be saved |
[07 Feb 2007|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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Follow your bliss
It beats on my chest
I know I got it tattooed for a reason
(Why Can't I Just Hold It True?)
Cause I'm still crashing all the funerals of these people that I never knew.
I'm stuck in coma, stuck in a neverending sleep.
Some day I will wake up, and realize I made up everything.
I shut the door and,
Turn all the lights out
And listen to all the song's that the night shouts.
(They go something just like this.)
So, go fill up a glass with tonic rocks and jaded drink yourself to happiness.
I'm stuck in coma, stuck in a neverending sleep.
Some day I will wake up, and realize I made up everything.
We cannot hang ourselves around gold chandeliers.
A dream brought back to home (All the pain and fears).
We send our sunken ships to a shallow grave.
Washed up upon the rocks (I Won't Be Saved).
I Won't Be Saved
I'm stuck in coma, stuck in a neverending sleep.
And some day I will wake up, and realize I gave up everything.
(I Won't) So follow your bliss, it beats on my chest (Be Saved).
(I Won't) I know I got it tattooed for a reason (Be Saved).
(I Won't) I shut the door and turn all the lights out (Be Saved).
(I Won't) And listen to all the song's that the night shouts (Be Saved).
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| just dwelling... |
[20 Jan 2007|07:40pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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shiny toy guns~ le disko |
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i guess you can say that i'm not really to excited about going back to school. having to deal with all those people after getting use to not having to worry about anything at home. i have not been able to sleep the whole time i have been on my break. idk why but i can't control it. my dreams are to real somtimes for comfort and i can't understand why. i've had dreams of old friends and being able to talk to them about things we never had a chance too. it almost seemed like things would work out but i wake up and thats it, it all comes crashng down. i just wish i was not so thick headed back then because many i would of been able to save some friendships in which i regret losing to this day. idk i just can't help and still wonder if everybody is okay and if other finally found what they were looking for. i wish i could of said i was sorry to thoses who i hurt and put through hell. i just wish that find what they are looking for in life and to know that i still wish i knew them.
life has a funny way of working and maybe something unexpected will happen...
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(think that crissie is a skank)
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| In love with this lie... |
[16 Nov 2005|03:58pm] |
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mood |
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rejected |
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urr feel really sick i think i have caught somethign and it really sucks. things are stressful but ehh whatc can u do.
how do u know who really cares about you. i am starting ot beileve people don't give two shits about anything any more. i'm sick of being nice. u everybody body should stop being so fake
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| ... |
[07 Nov 2005|08:28pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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shitty |
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This is tearing me apart. every bit of hope is being pulled away from me slowly. don't want to be helped so to all that have helped me just back away there is no need for it
hope u all have funn
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| New jersey...here i am |
[03 Sep 2005|12:16pm] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
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chillin at my cousins house still leaving tommorow. it's been very interesting to say that least. know i know where i might be in 20 years and i have to say it's going to be very deffernet. it's been hard not having my gf around because they are so open and we watched that l word and all of the lesbain movies and all i could think about was why can't my gf be here. it just made me want to show her how much i love her and express it in a way that has not been done before or at least to that level. i miss her so much and i waish i could be with her now....
Happy 7 months baby.. :)
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(2 skanks think that crissie is a skank)
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| i still love to wash in ur old bathwatter... |
[27 Aug 2005|08:55pm] |
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music |
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blink 182- down |
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urr summer is coming to a close and i'm not happy about that. all i did was work and stuff not to much fun but hey what are u going to do. angela left for her trip today and i will not see her until school starts since i'm going to my cousins next week. that should be interesting. long talks will be good. one more year and college can't wait! urr idk this years schedule is good i like it. it's funny when u look back on high school and see how people have changed and others have grown apart but then u look at what you have and what u made up for it and have found.
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| this is what i wanted to say... |
[23 Aug 2005|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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sorry |
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How do u make up for something that u do all the time. how do u try and show someone how much u really care when all u seem to do is hurt them over and over again. how do u show them that they are ur everything and that no matter what u said in those bad moods or moments that not in a million years would u truly mean it. how do u always seem to forgive someone even though u know that oneday they will hurt you again. why leave urself open to pain and hurt when u know that it will just keep going around. why give up all of ur self to someone who dose not diserve you in anyway possiable. hoe can i make up for all of those things i'v edone to you and still cont. to do. what will i have to do to prove to u that that was not me. and what will i have to say for u never use my bad moods agensit me a times when ur feeling low and questioning everything. what will it take to for me to take all of ur pain away. i am truly sorry for all that i have done to u and might do in the futrue i just hope u have it in ursel fto forgive me one last time and show me that life is worth living. i lied when i said i didn't care i did and still do. when i was tell u that i idn't want to hear what u wanted to say. it's what i needed and even though i pushed u away u were what i needed that most so i'm so sorry from the bottem of my heart
~Crissie~
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| it does not matter what i feel.. |
[11 Aug 2005|01:23pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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lacuna coil~ unspoken |
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Clawing up my eyes
I'm feeling your arms around me
On the other side
It's time to go
I'm hearing your voice
without words
On the other side
fadiing in ad out from whats really. pain is consuming and it's to control. helplessness
Your hell is when you dream
and I'm awake
Look into your heart
Deep into your heart
In your heart
You love again.......
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(1 skank think that crissie is a skank)
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| this is so true.. |
[09 Aug 2005|04:48pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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The Sex Women Don't Want
By Patty Lamberti
Don't fool yourself. Women love sex as much as men do. But if you're having sex with a woman, and manage to anger or annoy her, there's a chance she won't be so willing to do it again in the future. 99% of all women just don't dig certain things in bed. For the ultimate list of bedroom no-no's, read on:
Women enjoy a soft blowing into their ears or a nibble on their earlobes, but no woman wants to feel like a slobbery German Shepard is giving them a kiss hello. Use only the tip of your tongue on her ears.
Women want to know you're enjoying yourself, but be careful what you scream out in the heat of the moment. To you, "Oh Momma," may be a compliment. To her, it may be a sign you need years of therapy.
6 Reasons Why She Stopped Having Sex With You [Ask Men]
7 Public Places For Sex [Ask Men]
4 Ways to Maximize Your Pleasure in the Great Outdoors [Netscape]
Is Your Lover Getting Bored? [Netscape]
Bad Sex {Nerve.com]
Kudos to those who blend the carnal pleasures of sex and food. Just be sure you don't hog all the chocolate covered strawberries for yourself, or act like they taste better than she does.
Hands off the belly button! If there's one sacred place on a woman's body, that's it. Touch it and you'll aggravate her annoyance g-spot.
Women don't want to help you relive sex with your ex. So don't take her to the same hotel and expect the same treatment.
Women love television too. They just don't like to have it on while having sex. You know you love to control the remote control. So use your power. Turn it off!
Having sex in a private room at a party can be a real adrenaline rush. But if she says no once, don't keep asking. She may want to party with her friends. You can have a private party later.
Don't make a woman kiss your feet. In fact, don't even ask her to touch them. She'll do it on her accord, in her own sweet time. After all, when was the last time you got a pedicure?
Women hate to feel sex is all quid-pro-quo. Just because you perform oral sex on her doesn't mean she should drop down and do you the same favor. Don't imply you're keeping a mental track sheet of who does what to whom.
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(2 skanks think that crissie is a skank)
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| Can't find the antidote.. |
[04 Aug 2005|09:52am] |
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mood |
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disappointed in myself |
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music |
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disturbed~ down with the sickness |
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6 months was yesterday...:). u think it would be a good thing yet i still seemed to mess things up to a certain point. yea just shows u what kind of person i can be. idk didn't feel good yesterday. threw up, past out and everything else in between. oww well not really a big deal. have not been feeling to great maybe i should just take a brake and not talk to people for a while.idk. i'm sorry u don't need this or me. we all know what i do to u in the end.
i diseve to cry alone everynight...
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(8 skanks think that crissie is a skank)
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